There’s a little house on the moors and I wonder what it would be like to live there. Most days when I run I see no-one and I’ve never actually seen anyone at the house. I’ve often wondered how many people pass in one day. You see the little house isn’t very accessible, maybe a 30min walk over uneven ground from the nearest road. The last time I was there I saw two walkers moving in the opposite direction. Most times when I’ve been there, it’s been bleak and a bit wild and I’ve seen no-one at all.
I often wonder if I lived in that little house, how many people would orbit into my world in a day… 5? 10? Less in the winter months and as the nights grow longer.
And I wonder about all the connections and conversations I have today, how many people orbit into my world, physically or online on a daily basis, how many I reach out to.
You see, we live in a world where we are better connected than ever before but I’m not sure we are any LESS lonely than we were 100 years ago.
Today I have talked to 11 friends, 4 family, 12 colleagues and the garage man. I’ve had conversations that were important and necessary but I’ve also talked about taxidermy and my cat, buying a family homestead (think Dallas), why my kids are nocturnal (more than one conversation about this) and whether you would ever guess an egg came from a chicken if you didn’t know eggs came from chickens. I’ve also communicated via memes and videos and attempted one phone call with one of my children (not answered). Yet I’ve only actually seen 2 people to speak to and both of them I live with, 1 of them didn’t really want to talk.
I have wondered about ‘Dunbar’s Number’ – that is the number of stable relationships that we can comfortably maintain according to primate brain size and average social group size (150). And then I figured that that is probably one of the reasons why a) I can’t sustain lots of friendships (we were never meant to) and b) why I need to get out and move and shake up all the banal chit chat (mostly mine) out of my head in order for me to work or make the simplest decisions.
And then I thought about my little house on the moors and I wondered if that is why it pulls me so much? Maybe my brain or body knows that I was not supposed to hold so many threads of conversations.
And then I thought of Moon Room and Maternal Journal, and all the Circles I’ve sat in, and I’ve realised that in their own way they are all our own little houses in the middle of the moor. They are an open door that enables small, intimate and meaningful connections. These little houses are crucial and necessary, they are a way of putting the kettle on and lighting a fire, offering a refuge in life.
Total solar eclipse today, hope everyone can find their own little sanctuary ❤️ thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.